Without a Voice
by CannotHide94
Summary: AU: Quinn is at Yale and is intrigued by a subtly stunning brunette in her argumentative writing class. The bond she feels toward the girl is instant and intense, and by the way the brunette looks at her, Quinn's sure the feeling must be returned... If only the girl would speak to her.
1. Chapter 1

_The only sound is the shuddering breath in her ear and the only motion is the friction of two bodies moving against each other. She can't see past the darkness but Quinn knows this sequence all too well. The pressure of her lover settled on top of her in her seat, the feeling of fire straight from her bones to her nerve-endings, the subtle fragrance of vanilla and the twist that starts in her chest and ends in her core; it's all too familiar. She digs the fingers into the skin just under her lover's hipbones in an attempt to stay as close as possible for as long as possible. Something this sweet can only last for so long. _

_Quinn's eyes open to dark eyes filled with lust that clearly state:_

"_I need to taste you."_

_With that Quinn finds herself alone in the darkness, afraid for only a moment until the slight press of nimble fingers pushing her knees apart becomes the only thing she registers. As the tips of her lover's fingers ghost up and down her thighs, Quinn pleads, "Don't tease. Not tonight. Please." Her more cognizant self, of course, prays the teasing never ends. The sooner it ends, the sooner her lover leaves her, and the sooner she is alone again._

_Quinn doesn't know whether to cry of appreciation or of grief when she is put out of her misery by the tip of a tongue running swiftly through her drenched folds. However, her rational thoughts seem to disappear as the tongue flattens and curls over her clitoris. Quinn immediately shuts her eyes and reaches to hold her lover in place; murmurs of "I love you" and "Oh god" escaping her lips. She's almost embarrassed at how close to the edge she already is when her lover's tongue leaves her. Quinn opens her eyes to see her lover's dark ones staring straight back. Again, with an obvious message in their irises:_

"_I know you're close, Quinn. I can feel it. Look at me when you cum. I want to see it in your eyes, what I do to you."_

_Quinn forces herself to open her eyes and look down; the sight almost instantly pushes her over the edge. Her lover's lips are sucking hungrily on her clit. Her lover's arms are possessively wrapped under her legs and over her hipbones. Her lover's slick dark hair is messed from where Quinn's fingers were just holding on for dear life. The most erotic image, though, is the pair of perfect chocolate eyes staring up at her knowingly, silently giving her permission to let go._

"_Babe…" is the soft utterance she gives as she releases. "Babe, I…" as she tries to regain her breath." "Babe, I love you." Just before her alarm goes off._

Quinn barely registers that class has been dismissed and people are gathering their books. She's much too transfixed on the sole subject of her fantasies. She is dressed in simple jeans, a baggy gray zip up, and a pair of Buddy Holly glasses, her hair's clipped on her head and her bangs are messily hanging around her perfect face as she pulls her bag from the floor and pushes her chair back to get up. Quinn knows little about her other then she speaks only when necessary and that she has a small tattoo of a lily just behind and under her right ear, but that doesn't stop her from believing whole-heartedly that this girl in her argumentative writing class is the love of her life.

Marley nudges Quinn and tells her to pick up her stuff so they can leave the lecture hall. Quinn immediate grabs her books and rushes after the brunette she knows will be heading to the library like she does after every class. Finding her at the back tables, Quinn sits across the room so she can stare unashamedly at the girl. She wonders why the brunette is so quiet, and what she would say if she spoke more. She wonders why whenever she sees the brunette on campus, she is alone. She wonders what the tattoo means and she wonders if the girl dreams about anyone the way Quinn dreams about her.

Quinn's wonderings dim when chocolate peers up at her through thick glasses. The knowing look that's always present on the girl's face has no emotion. It's as if with a glance, she can read every thought Quinn's ever had. She holds Quinn's eyes (and her existence) captive for a moment more before looking back in her book. Quinn releases the air that had hitched in her throat moments ago and wonders when this torture will end.

It's been like this seen the first day of the semester a few months back, this game of looking but not speaking. It's been slowing driving Quinn mad that she knows next to nothing about this girl and yet can be so controlled by her. Never before has Quinn been so instantly and completely enamored with someone, not that's she's complaining. These past few months have been filled with more happiness and hope than Quinn's ever felt in her life. Of course, these all come with the raw emotion of frustration when their dynamic stays strictly the same day in and day out. She's been trying to come up with a way to approach the girl, but every scenario she comes up with is too desperate or creepy.

It's not out of ordinary when the brunette takes off her glasses to rub at her eyes to stay focused on her studies, or when suspends the cap of her pen between her perfectly straight pearly whites while she writes furiously in her small spiraled journal. It is very out of the ordinary, however, when the girl picks up her things to go, but leaves a few papers on the table. Quinn waits for the brunette to exit the library before making a beeline to her table to the forgotten sheets. The first is a slightly crumpled version of a rough draft with the name _Rachel Berry_ typed in the top right-hand corner. Quinn plays with the name inside of her mind, imagining how is would sound on her tongue. She sifts through the sheets to find a ripped out journal entry entitled "Hazel Eyes." Quinn holds her breath and reads:

_Hazel Eyes watch me when I study. They watch me in class. I'm sure they watch me while I dream. Hazel Eyes are so intently focused on me that I don't know how to handle it. Hazel Eyes speak volumes but don't say much. Hazel Eyes that I'd wish would either indulge me in a name or leave me alone so I can try to forget the Hazel Eyes. Hazel Eyes._

It takes a few moments to still the chill in Quinn's spine, but she gathers her things and heads out of the library with the sheet in hand. In her room, she tries to write down all of the things she wishes to say to Rachel, but nothing sounds as hauntingly beautiful as the words written in front of her. After 14 drafts, Quinn believes her note is sufficient and rushes back to the library with her note and some tape. She carefully tucks the note under the table Rachel was sitting at and tapes it securely before returning to her dorm with a skip to her step and a foolish grin.

_Quinn is wrapped in an extra large gray zip up, but it's the slim toned arm wrapped protectively around her waist that fills her with the warmth she needs. She feels herself relax completely into the smaller girl when she feels a pair of plump pink lips on the skin just under her right ear. In an instant Quinn feels arousal take over her as she releases a guttural moan and arches back into the body behind her._

"_Rachel." She moans as she turns to face her lover._

_Rachel is looking at her with the warmest gaze Quinn has ever felt. _This time will be different._ Quinn thinks. _This will be 'making love.' This must mean she loves me, too.

_As Quinn is pleasured by Rachel's talented tongue, Quinn looks down to see her lily tattoo and lovingly traces over it with her finger. Suddenly the lily grows to consume Rachel's shoulder, and then her back. Quinn watches helplessly as the lily devours Rachel until her alarm blares._

Quinn shoots up from her covers in a cold sweat. As she unsuccessfully tries to decipher the meaning behind her dream, she comes to one overwhelming conclusion:

She must know Rachel. She must know all of her. And she must know the reason a tattoo so small can seem to define and consume Rachel when Quinn knows she must be so much more than that.


	2. Chapter 2

_If I am Hazel Eyes, then you are a lily. On one hand, I'm afraid that if I go too close to you, I'll break you. On the other hand, we seem to be headed straight for each other. As if you're a lily pad on its way down a river and I'm the fish against the current. Obviously moving towards each other but never meeting. I don't want that. Please write back.  
~Quinn_

Again, Rachel stares at the note from under the table in the library. It's been thirty minutes since she found it, and she's still stunned. When she wrote the note, she never actually thought this "Quinn" would write back, let alone seem to be interested in her. She just wanted to constant staring to stop because it distracted her and made her feel things she has no intention of feeling again. She definitely did not expect something so beautiful to be attached to the table during her early morning study session.

So, in order to stop thinking about this blonde who sat in the middle of her argumentative writing class, she did the only thing she knew would work, which is tell the truth. She really thinks that Quinn is the most exquisite thing she's ever seen, and she's woken from many a night in a cool sweat after dreaming of warm hazel eyes gazing up at her (usually from somewhere close to her nether regions). Usually, if Rachel tells a pretty (supposedly straight) girl what she really thinks of her, the girl gets disgusted or scared and leaves her be. How was Rachel supposed to know that Quinn liked girls? Or that she liked RACHEL?

Rachel spent the rest of the day trying to avoid Quinn. After napping through her basic chemistry lecture (waking up just seconds before Dream-Quinn let her reach her climax), Rachel raced back to her dorm, taking a quick cold shower, redressed, and headed towards her argumentative writing class. She stops short, walks back to her closet, grabs a scarf and ties it around her head. Effectively, she covers both her hair and her tattoo (Rachel has also dreamt quite vividly about what Quinn's tongue would feel like if it outlined her tattoo). All she needs to do is take some time to herself; she needs to convince herself that she will breathe easier without Quinn and her perfect eyes, and she needs to get on with her life. Rachel sits in the back of their only class together and watches, almost helplessly, as Quinn searches for her. She tries to swallow the guilt rising in her throat for the deflated look on Quinn's face when she doesn't find her.

She just needs to get her head around this. Why would Quinn take notice of her? She hasn't worn make up since she graduated high school. She wears big, old, and usually stained sweats to class. Quinn probably doesn't even know that Rachel has long hair; it's always pinned up in a messy bun or clipped to the back of her head. Rachel does this on purpose. She doesn't want to be noticed. Getting noticed means maybe being spoken to. Getting spoken to means maybe being asked out, or maybe asking someone out. And if Rachel finds herself in either of those positions with Quinn, she is sure to fall in love. If she's brutally honest with herself, she's already started falling for the beautiful blonde. And that's just WAY TOO dangerous. So, by no means can she be noticed. Even if the person noticing her is the most beautiful thing she's seen in her nineteen years of living.

Yes, Rachel noticed Quinn. Who wouldn't? Bright golden locks, a perfect figure, chiseled features, and GOD those eyes. Someone would have to be blind not to realize how beautiful the girl is.

Rachel feels both elated and terrified that Quinn seems to show interest in her. She's spent the past fifteen minutes going over possible scenarios for them. They could date and Quinn could turn out to be a player. They could talk and Quinn could be psychotic. They could be short distance pen pals and Quinn could be Rachel's new best friend. They could fall in love. Oh, Rachel can just tell that she could fall in love with Quinn, with her way with words and her confident stare and her perfect composure and her knowing smirk. They could fall in love and start a life together, only to have it end like it inevitably will….

Is Rachel interested? Beyond belief is she interested, but that doesn't change anything. In fact, it only confirms to Rachel that she needs to keep an even further distance. She'll only be saving them both by keeping her distance.

Quinn's been waiting in the library for two hours. She's staring intently at the spot Rachel normally sits. She simply doesn't understand. Rachel was the one who sought Quinn out first with that note about her eyes. Rachel made the first move! Was she just kidding about Quinn's eyes? _No,_ Quinn thinks,_ she must be sick. Or on jury duty._

Quinn flinches as a paper airplane hits her in the back of the leg. She starts to get angry until she sees her name written in cursive on the wing of the note. She frantically looks around for Rachel because it must have been her, but she finds only the librarian at her desk. She holds her breath as she reads:

_Quinn,_

_We can't converse anymore. I'm in no position to get to know anyone. Nor do I want to have anyone know me. It's better this way. I won't be writing you again._

_~Rachel_

_P.S.: You're words are wonderful and warm. __Just like your eyes._

This makes no sense to Quinn, so she reads it again. And again. After the sixth time reading she finally digests the meaning of the note. Rachel doesn't want them to get to know each other. Maybe she just doesn't want to know Quinn… but that can't be right. Rachel's first note begged Quinn for her name. Obviously Rachel wants to know her. And what's with the crossed out bit at the end? Just like your eyes? _SHE THINKS MY EYES ARE WONDERFUL AND WARM?! That's it. I have to know her. Somehow._

That's when Quinn noticed a very important loophole in Rachel's note. "I won't be writing you again." _Oh, Rachel. Just because you won't write to me, doesn't mean I'll stop writing to you._


	3. Chapter 3

_Rachel,_

_You looked so beautiful today. I could clearly see the storm on the windowpane behind you; the contrast making you seem to shine even brighter than you usually do for the first half of class. You had your hair twisted in a big clip at the back of your head. And your zip up was so big it kept falling off of your right shoulder. That of course caused your tattoo to be on display, seemingly only for me. Do you ever feel like you're only for me? Sometimes, I think that the world put me through all I've gone through so that I could be in that argumentative class on that fateful day and watch in awe as you walked through the door. _

_I don't think I'll ever be able to explain what it was like, seeing you for the first time. It wasn't like the movies made it out to be. The world didn't stop spinning and the people around us were definitely still there, but that all seemed less important. It was much more important to memorize everything about you that I could. You were in a dark blue hoodie that day, and your jeans were ripped and baggy with paint splotches. They were trailing well over your black converse. You were intriguing to say the least. I asked myself why someone so small would need clothes so big._

_That was before you looked up at me. When our eyes met that first time, you seemed to be just as intrigued with me as I was with you. You didn't look away until the professor started class. You obviously saw something. That must be it. At the time, I thought maybe I had something on my face, but I raced to the bathroom after that first class to check, and my face was clean. So you had to have seen something in me. Just like I saw something in you. I went to the library thinking I could clear my head, but of course you happen to be sitting across the room making it impossible for me to do anything properly. Not that I minded, not at all. I was (and still am) so drawn to you, Rachel Berry. _

_I didn't even know your name, but still you haunted my dreams each night. It's only gotten worse now that I can put a name to the dream. You make it so difficult to complete any work. Even when I'm in my dorm trying to write summaries and critiques for our class, I'll start to think of you and how you held yourself in class that day. And your lily…._

_Something in class bugged me today, Rach. You were touching your tattoo. Almost as if to cover it. That's normal for you, but then your hand started shaking and you sort of collapsed. You huddled around yourself as if you had deflated and you shook. Only for a second, but I knew you must have let at least one tear go. You didn't shine at all for the rest of class; you almost turned into the clouds outside. As if you WANTED to be them. My heart broke watching you. _

_I know you don't want this, for us to know each other, but you need someone, Rachel. Something's obviously not okay, and if you'll let me. I'd be more than happy to be that person for you. Really, I'd be anything you want me to be. Anything other then nonexistent. Please, Rach._

_I'm leaving my contact information with this note. If you ever want someone to listen to you for a change, call or text me, Skype me, message me on Facebook, or just show up at my dorm room. My roommate Marley is never in, so you won't have to worry about her awkwardly opening the door or anything. Please let me in, you don't have to be alone._

_~Q_

Rachel shakily folded the note and slipped it into the draw under her desk with the others. This is the fifth note Rachel's received from Quinn in the last two weeks. Each one more beautiful and heartfelt than the last. Rachel's cried over every single one.

Quinn's written about a lot to Rachel, who now feels as though she basically knows the blonde. Rachel's read about the small-minded town Quinn grew up in with her smaller-minded parents. She's read about the harassment her best friend received when the quarterback forced her out of the closet. She knows that's the reason her parents and the majority of her town still don't know about Quinn. She knows Quinn can't hide from them for much longer, and that she definitely cannot hide from herself. She knows that Quinn still identifies as a Christian, even if she no longer believes in the Church.

Rachel can tell just by reading Quinn's words that she is an extraordinary human being. One that is genuinely kind and extremely intelligent. She has a romantic heart and she seems to be everything Rachel's ever wanted. The fact that she's beautiful is just a bonus. Rachel should have known Quinn was watching her earlier in class because honestly, when does Quinn NOT watch her in class?

Rachel was absolutely dreading today. She wanted to jump over it completely. She had seriously considered skipping class so she could have her father pick her up for a day in her bed at home to curl up and wish the world to swallow her whole. She had been doing so well… that is, until the professor brought up the article they read for homework, which was of course about the mob's place in society and it's necessity. Rachel was SURE her slight sob could have passed as a shiver, but she should have known Quinn was watching intently as she always does. Even though she knows nothing other then Rachel's name, Quinn can read the tiny brunette like an open book. After realizing this upon the first read-through of Quinn's latest note, Rachel completely broke down. Sobs have been wracking through her body for the past hour and a half. She knew this wasn't healthy. She knows she needs someone. She knows Quinn would be perfect, that she's already perfect. Half of her brain is screaming "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Then there's the other half of Rachel's brain. The logical masochistic side that promises nothing but pain and heartache if Rachel were to open up and let Quinn in. Rachel knows that it will end. It always will, no matter what you do. She's seen the pain and destruction it causes. The more attached, the more suffering in the end. She's lived it, for heaven's sake! She's living it, still….

She doesn't know how, but she ends up in front of Quinn's door before she can process where her feet have taken her. She shivered, finally feeling the rain that has drenched her clothes and hair and slippers. She goes to knock on Quinn's door, but loses her nerve and lowers her hand. As she starts to back away, Quinn pull the door open. Rachel's eyes widen and her jaw drops when she sees Quinn in sneakers, running shorts, and a teal sports bra. Her hair in a ponytail and an I-Pod securely in a sleeve on her arm. Quinn seems as shocked as Rachel, but instead of obviously checking her out, Quinn is evaluating Rachel's facial expressions. She must see the tear tracks on Rachel's cheeks, or the redness of her eyes, or how her nose is raw of tissue usage, because she steps back into the door and holds the door open for Rachel, who scurries into the room and immediately sits on the bed under the Brandi Carlisle poster.

Quinn stares at Rachel in awe. She had hoped Rachel would take her up on her offer, but she'd been convinced it would've taken a few months. She waits patiently for Rachel to says something, anything. Instead, Quinn watches as Rachel lies down, turns over, and curls up in a tight ball facing Quinn's wall. It takes a few seconds to realize Rachel isn't just shaking (as she has been since she arrived), but she's also slightly crying. Quinn takes the hint and immediately climbs into bed and places her hand on Rachel's waist. Instantly, Rachel turns into Quinn's shoulder and sobs, clutching at Quinn's arms, which have instinctively found their way around Rachel's body. Gently, Quinn rubs patterns into Rachel's back, willing her to sleep. Quinn stays awake until she's certain Rachel has fallen asleep.

"Goodnight, my lily." Quinn whispers. Placing a tender kiss on top of Rachel's head, she finally lets herself slip into sleep. Quinn relishes in the fact that though she wished it would happen under different circumstances, she's ecstatic that Rachel fits her body as perfectly as Quinn thought she would.


	4. Chapter 4

Quinn dreamt of soft caresses in a field of lilies until the sun poking through her window rudely woke her up. _Why aren't the blinds closed?_ Quinn thinks. _I always close the blinds when I get home from the gym. _All Quinn wants to do is return to her field of lilies where her beautiful brunette was holding her close and breathing softly on her neck. If she holds her breath she can still feel Rachel encompassing her. Then she feels nimble fingers form a fist on her bare rib cage.

Quinn looks down at the tiny brunette completely entangled with her. Rachel's hair is messy from where she's nuzzled into Quinn's chest and Rachel's hips are digging down as if to burrow herself under Quinn's skin. Quinn takes a moment to truly appreciate how her body hums with Rachel's fist sliding to her midriff, Rachel's legs slowing skimming up and down her own, and Rachel's body perfectly pressed into the blonde. Suddenly, Quinn realizes that Rachel's breathing is shallow, that she is trying to clutch at Quinn's abdomen, almost desperately. Rachel's is trying to run away, even as she sleeps.

Quinn realizes that Rachel is having a nightmare just in time for Rachel's to gasp herself awake. In one swift movement, Rachel has Quinn pinned by the shoulders, arching her back so she's looking down at Quinn, and by association driving her hips deeper into Quinn's. Quinn doesn't know whether to be afraid from the deadly glare Rachel is sending her way or aroused from the way Rachel is so close to where Quinn can only dream of her being. Although she could barely ignore the pull her body feels toward the brunette, she choses against acting on it and defensively raises her hands to rest by her head on the pillow.

"Rachel?" She tries out using her voice, and is a bit embarrassed when it comes out raspy from the night. However, the body on top of her relaxes slightly and the eyes boring into her soften. Rachel takes a moment to evaluate their position, looking down to find their centers snug against each other. She quickly coughs and pulls herself away from the tense blonde beneath her; putting distance between the two of them by sitting back on her heels. Quinn finds the breath that had mysteriously disappeared moments ago and slowly pushes up to sit as well. "Rachel." She tries again. The only reply she receives is in the form of a growl from Rachel's stomach.

"Oh! You're hungry. Of course you're hungry. Let me get you something to eat. Jeez, Quinn, where are your manners…." Quinn rambles as she scurries off of the bed and into her mini-fridge. She pulls out an apple and some yogurt and offers the two to the picture of perfection perched by her bedpost. Quinn's rambling falls short when she turns to find that her thoughts are nothing but true. She sits back on her heels in baggy sweats and her blue tank top, hands rubbing heat into the tops of her arms. Her hair is messy and she wears a slight pout on her lips. The sun is still peeking through the window at a lower angle, causing Rachel's body to be surrounded in this heavenly glow.

After an intense staring match, Rachel accepts Quinn's food, but she only took the apple. Quinn grabbed a granola bar and some cereal from above her fridge and again, Rachel only takes the granola bar, but begins to thoroughly inspect the wrapper. Quinn takes that opportunity to rush over to her closet and pull out one of her old Cheerio's jackets and offers it to Rachel, who looks incredulously back at her.

"For your goose bumps." She tries. When Rachel doesn't budge, Quinn neatly hangs the jacket on the post closest to Rachel at the foot of the bed. She quickly grabs two water bottles and a second granola bar before crawling onto her bed to face Rachel and mimic her position. They eat in silence, but very rarely does Rachel take her eyes off of Quinn. She wonders how she can show Quinn how grateful she is for last night without telling her the reason why she was needed in the first place. She settles for taking the jacket Quinn offered earlier, reveling in the sudden warmth. Just the smell of Quinn is enough for Rachel's mouth to water and her eyes to glaze in desire, but she's desperately trying not to act on those desires. She chances a glance at the blonde, only to find Quinn smirking at the jacket now hanging carefully over her shoulders. "I like it better on you." Rachel can hardly hide her grin at the confession. Quinn's eyes glaze as she tries to memorize the way Rachel smiles, but she snaps back into reality when Rachel looks down and pulls the jacket sleeves further over her hands and covers her face. Quinn quickly looks around the room for something to do in an attempt to make Rachel more comfortable. As she gets up from the bed, she makes it her mission to get Rachel to smile like that as often as possible.

Quinn knows people shouldn't be this quiet. She knows this isn't normal, yet she can't help but feel at ease in their continued silence. She spends time folding the pile of clean laundry on the floor of her dorm while Rachel sits on the bed. It's still a bit surreal that Rachel is here at all, nevertheless interacting with her. Quinn decided she will be happy that Rachel chose to come to her in her time of need, and reminds herself to hold her tongue until Rachel tells her what happened. That is, if Rachel decides to ever speak to her.

As Quinn finishes folding and hanging her clothes, she feels a set of fiery eyes burning into the back of her head. Turning around, Quinn's breath hitches. Rachel is standing five feet from Quinn draping the Cheerio's jacket over one shoulder, revealing the tanned skin of Rachel's shoulder under the tank top. Her eyes are boring straight into Quinn's in a "come hither" sort of way. Rachel pulls the jacket's edge to her nose, inhaling the scent, all while keeping eye contact with the now trembling blonde. It is, by far, the single sexiest thing Quinn's seen in her life.

Then Rachel steps in close to Quinn's personal space. And Quinn is frozen. Then Rachel reaches behind Quinn's neck and pulls her into an intense and immediately passionate kiss. And Quinn feels paradise.

* * *

**A/N: First, I want to thank everyone who has commented on/reviewed this story, and those who have sent me personal messages about this story. I do read them all, and they mean a lot to me.  
Second, I want to apologize in advance for my sporadic posting tendency. I'm currently finishing my first semester at Pharmacy school and have been (and will continuing to be) studying for my finals this week. Please do no expect an update until at least Thursday evening, but know I'm trying my best and won't keep you waiting for too long.**

**Sincerely,**

**~Jess**


	5. Chapter 5

If Rachel were in her right mind, she would have transferred from Yale into any other acceptable university or at least switched majors when she locked eyes with the girl in the middle of the lecture on that fateful first day of argumentative writing. If she was in her right mind, she would have never let her father pry open her bedroom door two days before she had to move out of Manhattan and start packing her things for school. None of this would have happened if Rachel were in her right mind.

However, Rachel was not in her right mind. She wasn't in ANY mind. She could hardly breathe let alone think with those long soft fingers caressing and grabbing at her and that oh so delicious tongue playing with her own. The pressure of a slim body against her own and the blonde messy ponytail that smelt of lavender hanging over that perfectly silky shoulder were clouding any rational thoughts other than_ Oh God… _and_ More…_ and_ Please…._ and _I need…_ clear from her mind.

Rachel is having trouble removing the Quinn's sports bra. Ever since she woke with her hands grasping at the blonde's perfect abdomen, it's been driving Rachel slowly mad that Quinn's midriff was the only skin Rachel had access to (although she was NOT complaining about being able to run her fingers over Quinn's toned stomach). Eventually, she settles for bending at the knee to focus on ripping Quinn's running shorts down her legs while Quinn takes the hint and removes the offending item from her top half.

Once Rachel is satisfied that Quinn can kick the shorts off on her own, she looks up in search of Quinn's eyes but stops short at the sight above her. Quinn's body seems to be chiseled of stone; a deep set V-cut supporting a well defined abdomen that seems to continue the entire way up Quinn's body. Pert, small breasts that Rachel just knows will fit perfectly in her hands and a collar bone slightly sticking out underneath a neck strained as Quinn very obviously struggles to breathe. Rachel realizes that looking into Quinn's eyes at this moment would be both the most heavenly experience she'll ever have and be the nail in her coffin, so she decides to continue keeping her focus on the magnificent body before her; anything to prolong her inevitable defeat.

_Look at me,_ Quinn is pleading internally. Although Rachel's intense assessment of her body is extremely erotic, Quinn doesn't know how much more she can take. She's standing almost completely naked in front of a woman who has never said a single word to her, yet the seduction seemed effortless to the brunette. Rachel seems to be enthralled with the skin just below Quinn's belly button, and grabs onto Quinn's hips. The contact makes Quinn weak at the knees and she places her hand on the doorway to her closet in an attempt to steady herself.

As if just realizing the blonde is still in her thong, Rachel pulls roughly on the strings at the side and Quinn quickly lowers the item to be hanging on her thighs and shimmies them the rest of the way down. Rachel's eyes seem to bulge at the movement and Quinn sees her mouth drop. _So she DOES have a weakness, _Quinn thinks.

With a knowing and confident grin, Quinn pushes Rachel back a few steps and starts sauntering over to her at a pace that is almost torturous. As Rachel falters to catch her balance, her knees hit the back of the bed. She goes to sit but is pulled into her sexy blonde before the backs of her thighs can hit the sheets. Roughly held in Quinn's perfectly toned arms and pressed into her immaculate and very naked body, Rachel thinks she could cum right then and there.

"You're overdressed, Rach."

Yes, Rachel did have a slight orgasm at both the tone of Quinn's voice and the brush of Quinn's lips against her ear. Yes, she's never been this turned on in her life. Yes, when Quinn takes a millisecond to rip her jacket and Rachel's baggy T-shirt off, Rachel feels like she'll die of separation anxiety. And yes, when Quinn purposefully doesn't touch Rachel's chest, Rachel grabs Quinn's hands and places them roughly on her exposed breasts. She really isn't in her right mind.

Quinn can't believe how perfect Rachel feels in her hands. She's only dreamt about what her upper half would be like under the heavy sweatshirts and zip ups she's always wearing. She tries tweaking at Rachel's nipples once, and is thanked with a deep and raspy moan that seems to come from Rachel's toes.

Quinn freezes at the sound. It's the first time she's ever heard Rachel's voice in any form, and it's the most beautiful sound she's ever heard. Wanting to hear more from the beautiful girl before her, she replaces with fingers of her right hand with her teeth and lightly pulls at Rachel's nipple. In response, Quinn feels heaven as the brunette shivers with another moan from the toes and pushes her chest further towards Quinn's mouth.

Quinn was desperate now. She started teasing with her tongue, massaging and pinching with her fingers, switching from one breast to the other, anything to get Rachel to be vocal. Meanwhile, Rachel couldn't take the teasing. She could feel that her panties were completely ruined and her sweatpants felt way too hot on her legs. She takes Quinn's hands and puts them on the hem of her pants. She hooks her own fingers under the materials and pulls them away from her body. Quinn gets the hint and pushes the both down Rachel's hips and to her knees without removing her mouth from the perfect breast she's latched to.

Finally free of the clothes on her bottom half, Rachel jumps up and wraps her legs around Quinn's waist, somehow knowing Quinn would catch her. At the feel of Rachel's arousal on her stomach, Quinn shivers and walks them over to the bed. Once she's safely lying on the sheets, Quinn starts a trail of kisses at the valley of Rachel's chest, slowly covering every portion of her midriff.

Rachel cannot believe how connected to Quinn she feels in this moment. Besides being unnaturally and ridiculously turned on, Rachel feels as though her entire being is wrapping itself up and handing itself to Quinn to unwrap and play with as she wills. Of course, this is terrifying, but Rachel is SO magnificently turned on that she'll just deal with that later.

Stopping that train of thought entirely is Quinn's tongue, which darted out to taste the skin in between Rachel's hipbones. Her entire body crumples up and into an all too willing Quinn. She throws her arm over her mouth to muffle the intensity of her moans. If Quinn teases much more, Rachel might implode.

Quinn, however, does not get the memo, and decides she's not done torturing the brunette. After a few playful nips at Rachel's protruding hipbones, Quinn turns her head left to brush her lips against the inner side of Rachel's right knee and thigh; occasionally places select kisses on the exposed flesh. In response, Rachel's hips buck up in search of contact. Quinn can see Rachel biting her tongue and pushes even further. She brushes her lips against the skin just near the top of Rachel's thigh, and breathes against her glistening (and oh so delectable) core, before pulling back and giving the same excruciating treatment to the other leg. Rachel automatically lets out a whimper and reaches blindly for any part of Quinn she can find. When she gets to Quinn's hand, she pulls her straight towards her drenched core. When Quinn sees where Rachel is taking her hand, she pulls back and hovers over the brunette, who turns her head to the side.

"Don't you see that I need you to tell me what you want, Rach?" Quinn asks as she tries for eye contact with the beauty beneath her. "How can you expect me to make you feel as beautiful as you are without guidance?" She pushes. "I want you to feel how I see you, and not just read about it in letters. Don't get me wrong; I love writing to you and I probably won't stop, but we both deserve more, don't you think? Look at me. Let me give you more, Rach. Please just let me."

How does anyone respond to that? How can Rachel even attempt to hold her walls up when Quinn is dangling everything Rachel's wanted from life right in front of her? She knows that she's a goner. She's known Quinn had a piece of her heart when she wrote the first letter. Could she really take all she wanted and needed from the beautiful blonde above her and live with the consequences it will bring? Did it even matter at this point? When everything is screaming at her to look into the eyes of the girl who stole her heart and to give herself over to the temptation Quinn shows her, she can't hold back and protect herself like she's done for so long now. Rachel turns her head back and stares directly into Quinn's eyes to find heaven.

Quinn takes this as her cue. She gently caresses Rachel's cheek with one hand, a gesture to which Rachel reacts immediately to by leaning into Quinn's touch. Quinn slowly lowers her hand past Rachel's sternum, never breaking eye contact. As she passes Rachel's perfectly smooth stomach, she sees Rachel's eyes start to flutter closed.

"No, Rach. Look at me. Stay with me through this, please" Receiving a small head nod, Quinn continues on her journey, finally slipping into Rachel's soaked folds.

At the initial contact, Rachel sees fireworks in Quinn's eyes. She forces herself to keep her eyes opened, to stay connected to Quinn however she can. As Quinn strokes her slowly, gathering up her arousal, Rachel wonders if she could ever communicate to Quinn what it feels like to give yourself to someone the way she feels she's giving herself to Quinn. She wonders if Quinn will ever understand why Rachel is the way she is. Most importantly, though, she wonders why Quinn is crawling down the bed while still keeping eye contact.

When Quinn flicks Rachel's clit with her tongue, Rachel can't control the surprised and high-pitched moan that escapes from her mouth, but she desperately tries to keep eye contact. As Quinn tried out different patterns of licking, flicking and sucking, she takes note of the different combinations that make Rachel as vocal as possible. Quickly finding the perfect rhythm, she starts to tease Rachel's entrance with a single digit while she holds down Rachel's bucking hops with her left hand. She keeps eye contact the entire time. Rachel can't take the teasing anymore. She needs Quinn inside her and she doesn't know what else to do.

"Please."

It comes out as a whisper, and Rachel thinks she'd done wrong, especially when Quinn stops all of her movements and her eyes completely soften. Quinn can't be sure that she actually heard the brunette, so she waits for further instructions.

"Please, Quinn. Please."

That, Quinn heard. She felt it in Rachel's eyes almost as much as she heard it. Crystal clear. That being all the assurance she needed, Quinn pushes her finger halfway into the beauty beneath her. Rachel let out a hiss of a moan and goes to close her eyes-

"Rachel. I need to see you." Rachel struggles to keep her eyes open, but manages to keep them trained on Quinn no matter how much they flutter at the blonde's ministrations. Looking for Rachel to say more, Quinn adds a second finger and curls them up, but doesn't let them go more than halfway. She sees the brunette squirm beneath and has to hold down Rachel's bucking hips. She sees that Rachel is struggling to hold something in.

"Quinn!" Comes the strangled cry from Rachel's lips.

"Rachel?" Quinn replies with a smirk.

"Quinn. I…"

"What is it, Rach?"

"I. I need more. Please. Give me more."

Realizing that was all she'd get from the brunette, Quinn pushes in the entire way, and if the sounds Rachel starts to make are any indicator, she's done something right. She starts to feel Rachel clench around her fingers and knows they're both about to fall over the edge. With a final flick of her tongue and a final thrust of her fingers, she watches in awe as Rachel's entire body curls and rolls into her orgasm; the sight of which causes Quinn to have a smaller orgasm of her own. She stays inside until Rachel's squirming becomes heated sways and her near screaming moans return to throated groans. She then retracts her fingers and wipes them on her own hipbone before crawling up the brunette's spent body.

As she reaches Rachel's face, Quinn finds her passed out. After patting herself on the back for driving the girl beneath her to unconsciousness, Quinn takes a moment to truly appreciate Rachel's beauty. Even in sleep, she seems to be heavenly to Quinn. Lowering herself to rest her head on Rachel's chest and reaching down the sheets to hold onto Rachel's hands, Quinn follows her lover into dreamland.


	6. Chapter 6

Rachel is desperately trying to gain control of her breathing. She woke a few minutes ago to a very naked Quinn lying on top of her, unconsciously pushing against Rachel's core with her thigh. Every few moments, Quinn readjusts against the near delirious brunette; nuzzling into the sensitive skin of her neck, squirming her torso so their breasts rub sensually against each other. Every movement results in a push of her hips and a press of her leg into Rachel's increasingly wet core. Half of her wants to wake Quinn and order her to clean the mess she's made, while the other half wants to explore the source of the wet spot on the tanned thigh conveniently nestled between Quinn's pearl ones. Rachel can't get the thought of what Quinn might taste like out of her head.

As she squeezes her eyes shut and tries to forcibly calm her crying libido, she feels Quinn's breathing quicken. It's only then that she realizes she has pushed her thigh further into Quinn's core and that Quinn must have woken from the pressure. Freezing with embarrassment, Rachel waits anxiously for Quinn's next move. She nearly loses it when she feels Quinn slowly start to rock her hips back and forth, sensually riding Rachel's leg.

After a few seconds of pure shock, Rachel starts to digest the feel of Quinn's most intimate area rubbing deliciously up and down her thigh. She revels in the sensation of Quinn's juices sliding down to mix with Rachel's drenched core. She shivers at the thought that Quinn is comfortable enough to use her like this. She shudders when she thinks that she might gather those fluids herself and taste them on her tongue. Most of all, she's unbelievably turned on.

"Rach."

Quinn's moan pushes Rachel over the edge of doubt. She has to have Quinn and she has to have her now.

Quickly flipping the two so Quinn's lying flat on her back, Rachel places her hands on Quinn's hips to stop them from bucking. Before Quinn can even question what's going on, Rachel dives in for her first taste of Quinn. She's thick and creamy and somewhat salty; it is immediately Rachel's new favorite taste. After a second lick she notices that every contact results in the most delectable moan from he blonde, and Rachel knows she will always crave for this taste and for that moan.

With her left arm, Rachel hooks under Quinn's leg and over her hipbone; she spreads Quinn's sticky folds with her fingers and looks directly at Quinn's glory. Finding Quinn's engorged clitoris, Rachel flicks it a few times with the tip of her tongue before wrapping it with her lips and sucking hard. The resulting cry from the blonde tells her that she's found the right pattern. Alternating between flicking and slowly sliding her tongue, pressing it flat against the sensitive nub and drinking her fluids in, Rachel brings Quinn to the brink to her orgasm and pulls her back down until Quinn can't stand it.

"Baby. I'm- I'm gonna. Gonna pass out. If you don't- OH MY GOD, RACHEL!"

Quinn's plea is cut short by Rachel slipping two fingers into her core and curling them to hit the back ridges of her walls on the first try. Staying there, Rachel feels her fingers being crushed by the sheer power of Quinn's orgasm. Nuzzling her nose into the skin just above Quinn's core, Rachel slowly brings her lover down from her high.

It's only when she removes her fingers, crawls up Quinn's body and realizes she actually did pass out that she recognizes the term of endearment Quinn used. '_Baby.' _She feels her palms clam up and her chest start to heave. _She called me 'Baby.' As in 'Baby, let me take you somewhere.' As in 'Baby, meet my parents.' As in 'Baby, I lov-' _At that, Rachel feels herself start to hyperventilate, because not only did Quinn call her "Baby" just now, but Rachel had been referring to Quinn as "Sweetheart," "Babe," and "Darling" in her dream last night.

A dream she had about waking up in Quinn's arms and making pancakes for breakfast; a dream about their kids school shows and their kitten's first visit to the vet's office. The dream she suddenly remembers the dreadful ending of. How she was standing, wrinkled with cane in shaky hand, under a cloudy, windy sky in a cold and dark cemetery, looking down at the tomb of her lover. How the scene changed into a Rachel from not so long ago standing with her father in the exact same place, and how Quinn's grave turned into the one she knew all too well. How her father held his head high in a strong stance, but how his feeble grip on her hand gave way to his terrifying and unmatchable pain. How he turned to his little girl and said, "All good things must come to and end. Right, my Star?"

The dream-turned-memory shakes Rachel to the bone. From that day, she remembers vividly how she knew in that moment that love always eventually leaves you, no matter how much they don't intend to. Love has to leave because if nothing else, death must take one of you away. And when love leaves you, there is a shell of the person you once were left behind. That love might as well kill you, seeing as it ends in a fatal pain anyway.

In that memory (and in that moment), Rachel swore to never get close enough to someone to have them hurt her. She swore to never let anyone in, to never fall in love. To never open herself to that kind of grief. She thought she could just turn that part of her mind off, and for a while, it worked. She didn't interact with anyone, she kept quiet; she was alone and she'd stay that way. However, a certain blonde seemed to make Rachel disregard all of her defenses. How could she be with Quinn? She'd surely love her, which means she will surely lose her one way or another. She could never go through that pain again. She couldn't bare it. She wouldn't

With a new resolve, Rachel quickly throws she clothes back on, grabs her things, and rushes out of the dorm, leaving a peaceful and blissful blonde sleeping alone in her bed.


	7. Chapter 7

"Quinn, you would not believe who I just saw doing the "walk of shame" downstairs! Granted, hers was more like a sprint, and I mean, I wasn't exactly alone last night either, but really! Who would have thought that- Quinn?" Marley stops her rant when she sees Quinn sitting slouchedup in her bed, hair sticking up in all sorts of directions, bruises on her neck, staring blankly at the door she just walked through.

Marley has seen a lot of sides to Quinn Fabray in the time they've spent together as roommates. She's seen indifferent Quinn, creative Quinn, playful Quinn, frustrated Quinn, tipsy Quinn, distracted Quinn, focused Quinn, and even upset Quinn. This, however, is not a Quinn that Marley has encountered yet, and it's definitely not one she wants to keep around. This Quinn looks void of light, of emotion and of awareness. This Quinn seems cold and unstable; quite frankly it scares the crap out of Marley to see her roommate like this.

"Quinn?"

Still, the bed headed blonde stares intensely at the door, without even acknowledging Marley's presence. Marley's heart rate quickens as she realizes Quinn is in some sort of trance. _Okay,_ she thinks, _this "stone" Quinn thing has to stop. _She takes a pillow from her bed and slaps it over Quinn's head.

"Quinn!"

"Huh?" Quinn replies, as though just realizing she isn't alone.

"What the hell happened, Fabray?! You literally look like death- and don't think I don't notice that you're stark naked under that sheet with hickeys up and down your neck! I was GOING to tell you about the non-stop make-up sex I just had with Ryder, but I can see that your night might have been a bit more eventful."

No response.

"OUCH!"

"You should have been listening to me." Marley threatens Quinn by raising the pillow over her head for a third time.

"No one can listen to you when you ramble at a thousand miles per minute."

"No one can talk at a thousand miles per minute."

"Bitch."

"Who did you spend the night with? Was it one of those guys in our Physics course? Who would have known they actually become attractive after high school. Maybe they knew how to calculate the perfect angle to hit you just right. And the force it would take to push you over the edge. That would be SO hot. I was actually starting to think you were celibate or something. I'm actually impressed by those hickeys, though. Did you grab his number before he obviously ran out?"

"What? No! Ew. Marley, you know I don't like boys."

"A girl did that? Maybe I SHOULD switch teams; those must have felt really nice. I just assumed because the hickeys were so big; girls don't have mouths that big. Except that girl from our argume- Oh."

"Oh?"

"The girl doing the sprint of shame two seconds ago? The one from our argumentative writing course who has absolutely no taste in clothes or hairstyles? That's who you were with, right? She's the only one with a mouth big enough to give hickeys like that."

"Uh…. Yeah. But I don't think she wants anyone to know so you can't tell anyone!"

"I wasn't going to. But if she turned you to stone by running out on you, then you're going to have to tell me what the hell happened."

"Can I get dressed first?"

"Please. You smell like sex. ...Ew."

* * *

"Rachel! You need to calm down and start from the beginning, babe."

"I just don't know what to do! She's all I've thought about since those stupid notes with her stupid background story and her stupid romanticism and her stupid observational skills and her stupid way of knowing what I want and UGH! She's so perfect for me. It's obvious she has feelings for me. And I CANNOT let myself fall for her. No matter how perfect she is! What if one of us cheats? What if one of us flunks out and has to move back home. What if her father comes to New Haven and kills her in her sleep when he sees us lying together? What if she gets hit by a car on her way to class one morning? What if we get married and have kids and one of us is murdered? THEN OUR KIDS WOULD HAVE TO LOSE A PARENT! I CAN'T PUT MY KIDS THROUGH THAT, KURT!"

"CALM. YOURSELF." The line goes silent. Kurt can tell Rachel is using the breathing technique he taught her over the summer.

"…Sorry."

"Much better. Now, in the time since you started that little novella of a rant, I had enough time to put down my phone, fix my hair, pick out a complete outfit for my date tonight, and brush my teeth. By that point you were screaming about futuristic and imaginary children. You're being ridiculous."

"There is nothing ridiculous about this. Love is a waste of time. It'll leave you in the end."

"Love? You love her, now?"

"WHAT? OF COURSE NOT!"

"You said love. That's it. I'll cancel on Blaine. I'm going to the train station right now. You need some sense knocked into you."

"No, Kurt don't-"

Kurt hangs up the phone and grabs his 'Rachel-Needs-You-Emergency-Kits' on his way out the door.

* * *

Marley is completely silent when Quinn finishes the complete story of how she has gotten herself into this mess. She takes in Quinn's body gestures and the tones of her voice. She sees the anguish in Quinn's eyes and feels compassion for the girl who strongly brought her through her "breakup" with Ryder and her consequent three-day fling with some kid named Jake. She notices how uncomfortable Quinn is with the sexual parts, and she knows she's missing some pieces to the story. She tries to see this from Rachel's point of view, but honestly, she thinks Quinn is a catch and that this girl is crazy for passing her up.

"Quinn. She's obviously insane. You've got to get rid of her."

Quinn contemplates this. It seems logical. Rachel initiated the relationship by giving Quinn that note. Rachel told her she was done. Rachel went and found Quinn's room. Rachel kissed her first! Then Rachel leaves? AGAIN?! She really would be better off if she had never met her, right?

"No." Quinn reasons out loud. "I'm too far in this. If she doesn't want me, or doesn't feel anything for me, she is going to have to tell me to my face."

"That may be hard if she doesn't speak…."

"I know she felt something! I saw it! I fucking saw her fall for me! It wasn't supposed to be some hookup! I told her everything, Marley. She knows about mom and dad, she knows about Sam-"

"Jackass." Marley adds, recalling the idiot quarterback who out-ed Quinn because she wouldn't sleep with him.

"She knows how I like my tea in the morning and she knows that I want to name my first daughter Beth. She knows I'm afraid of lizards. And all I know about her is her name! And she has a tattoo of a lily on the back of her neck."

"Yeah, I saw that in class one day when you were oogling her. Pretty badass."

Quinn's entire body seems to deflate in defeat. Marley has never seen her look so hopeless.

"So what do I do?" Marley purses her lips and tries to find the right words to describe Quinn's situation.

"Honestly? I think you're both nuts. She's stupid enough to let go of you and you're just stupid enough to chase her. If it were me, I'd give up."

"I'm not going to-"

"I never said you were. I think you should wait."

"What do you mean, 'wait?'"

"I mean, if she ran, she obviously needs to work through some shit. What's that saying? If you love something, you have to let it go and if it comes back you can make unearthly attractive babies with it?"

They both chuckle as Quinn picks up a towel and starts drying her hair. "Yeah, something like that, Mar."

* * *

Rachel paces her dorm room hastily as she waits for Kurt to show up from the city. She tries to stay calm with her thoughts as she struggles with the internal battle going on in her head. Her rational, logical side is telling her that if she gives in to her desires for Quinn that they will only end up hurt and her completely illogical side is telling her that she needs to run into Quinn's arms and tell her that she'd the most wonderful and caring person she's ever met and she just wants them to run away to a place where the dangers of the world won't take either of them so that they never have to be apart and they never have to be broken. Rachel doesn't want to break again. She doesn't think she could handle it. Especially now that she knows how deep her feeling for the blonde are.

"You have some serious explaining to do."

"KURT!" Rachel launches herself at the boy, who flinches slightly at the contact (Rachel has not exactly been the touchy feely type since the high school) but relaxes into her hold and begins to sways them back and forth. "Kurt, what took you so long?"

"I had to make a stop on the way."

"Where's your stuff? You didn't think this was going to be a fifteen minute conversation and then you could abandon me in my time of need, did you?"

"My stuff is with my 'stop."'

"What does that even mean?"

"I sort of may have kind of brought in the troops."

Just then, the sound of clumsy footsteps comes from the hall. Kurt starts trotting towards the door to help the man at the door. His thick-rimmed glasses are barely perched on his nose as he treks a backpack, a sleeping bag, Kurt's hair care kit, and a Victoria's Secret bag pinched between his teeth. He spits the bag onto Rachel's bed and drops the things in his arms. Pushing his glasses up, he looks like the strength Rachel once knew him to be. He wears a maroon sweater over his blue grey shirt and white tie. His khakis fit him snugly and he's still wearing his slippers over his argyle socks. His hair is combed as it always is and he smiles apprehensively at Rachel. Rachel is in such a stupor that the man takes a tentative step towards the now trembling girl and she gets a whiff of his cologne. She breaks down crying and throws herself into his strong arms as his hands clutch her to him with the might she has known her whole life.

"Daddy."

* * *

**A/N: I am SO very sorry for the wait. My life has been hectic but I haven't stopped working on this story. I'm just now adjusting to my new schedule. Anyone who has stayed with me up until this point is fantastic. Please comment or review, they really do keep me at it. Have a lovely week.  
Sincerely,  
~Jess**


End file.
